Divergent (PARODY)
by GirlWithPrettierLies
Summary: What will Beatrice choose on choosing day? R&R! *Sorry I'm a terrible summary writer! I promise that the real story is better* STEAAAAAAK
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent by V. Roth**

Beatrice(POV):

Finally! I'm 16! WHOOP WHOOP! Oops I'm not supposed to yell, even in my head, it's selfish. My faction, Pathetic, is one of the lamest factions there is! I'm pretty my father is the most pathetic man to walk on the earth, but then again, so is my mom and brother. WAIT! BACK IT UP! Damn it! I yelled in my head again. Never mind. There are 5 factions, Pathetic, Hippy, Smart Ass, TTL (Tell the Truth LOSER!), and Badass. Pathetic gives everything away! They do anything for anyone. Last week a Hobo (person without a faction), asked my dad for some spare change and my dad gave him his wallet and the fridge! Now all we have left to eat is what's inside the pantry, dog food! Wait...! Why do we have dog food? We don't even have a dog!

Next are the Hippies. They are super nice and kind of crazy. I have never seen an unhappy Hippy. Probably being drugged, those poor innocent souls! Or smoking weed... (WHAT? You never know!)

Next up the Smart Asses! They know everything and make sure that they inform everyone that they know everything. They are boring and talk your damn ear off. Being in Pathetic means you have to listen to them for hours and act interested.

TTL, a.k.a. Tell the Truth LOSER is a faction of honesty. That means if you think someone is fat you walk right up to them and say it to their face. But the only downside is every has to know every thing about you and you are forced to tell the truth at all times. People can also tell when your lying. So basically be an asshole and you are guaranteed to fit in!

Lastly, the Badass. They are freakin awesome! They fight and train and are basically like an army. You do C-R-A-Z-Y things! Definitely something that sounds nice.

"Beatrice, come here please" I hear my mom gently say. I slowly walk toward her and my father.

"Listen honey," says my father, "if you choose any other faction them Pathetic your mom and I will no longer love you and we will disown you."

'WHAT?" I yell.

"Beatrice don't yell. Your father was only joking" My mother says, "also get ready, we are leaving for you aptitude test"

"My name is Tori and I will be registering your aptitude test today" Says Tori.

"Ok" I reply.

"Ok, so are you ready?"

"Yeah, But do I have a ch-?" I was RUDELY cut off by Tori jabbing the serum into me.

"Ok the test will start shortly.

I open my eyes. Where am I? I see a girl with a platter. On that platter she has a knife, a textbook, a peace sign necklace, Yin and Yang, and a piece of gray cloth.

"CHOOSE!" She yells at me. I don't like her attitude!

"Fix your attitude! Then I'll chose!" I fire back. I can't help but notice the slightest roll of an eye before I pick up the knife. I then see a dog who is running after a little girl. She is crying and- wait! Is that a steak in her hands? Oh my Lord I haven't had or smelled steak in a long time. I know understand the dogs logic. I start running after the girl too. I quickly catch up to her and rip the steak out of her hands, about to take a bite, but its tossed across the room and the dog jumps up and eats it. I realize that it kind of looks like I'm shielding the girl before I wake up.

Tori looks at me with her eyes wide.

"Beatrice, your Divergent!" She says, keeping her voice low.

"My detergent? Oh my mom just bought it at the store the oth-" I say before Tori clamps a hand on my mouth.

"No idiot! Divergent!" She hisses.

"What that?" I ask.

"It means you have more than one result which means you have unknown powers!"

"COOL!" I say way too loudly.

"SHUT UP!" Tori roars.

"Sorry"

"Listen very carefully, don't tell anyone about this! Because, it's kind of like you have a bigger brain" I nod. I wouldn't want people getting jealous of my superior mind.

"Now go! I will put your result down as a normal result!" I smile, exiting the test room.

 **A/N: Nothing too weird so far. Tell me if you want me to continue! I swear I have funnier things planned out in future chapters! Just 2 reviews if you want an update!**

 **~TOODLES**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent by V. Roth!**

Beatrice(POV):

It's choosing day! Finally I can stop being Pathetic! Like my brother who decided to join Smarts! Well, I never liked him anyway! The only problem is that I'll have to make up my mind on which faction I want to join. Of course I'll exceed in ALL of them thanks to my bigger, better, brain. Practically eliminated all the competition already.

"Beatrice Prior!" I hear a name calling me. Oh, it's my turn! Better make myself look good. I get up slowly and gently walk down the stairs, pausing at each step to smile and fix my already perfect hair.

"Umm Beatrice Prior?" The guys says.

"Please come down quicker!" He says again. I glare at him, annoyed. Someone suddenly sticks their foot out, tripping me. I roll the the step, not bothering to get up. This was a more efficient way of getting down. I make a mental note to say thanks to whoever helped me. I think he had brown hair. I finally get to the bottom and get up, dusting myself off.

"Consume one!" The boy hisses at me. I see plain _Pathetic_ food, aka flour and water, clear water, belonging to the SmartAss, Dandelions, belonging to the Hippy, A plastic Yin and Yang symbol belonging to the TTL, and Oh My Lord! Is that steak I smell. I look over to see slightly burning coals in the bowl, belonging to Badass. They must have been cooking steak! I politely use one of the tongs to lift a piece of burning coal into my mouth. I drop it in there with a nice plop. It take me a second to realize my mouth might explode. Well, can't change my decision now! I let out a monster-like sound before chomping on the coal. IT BURNS! I MIGHT JUST PASS OUT RIGHT HERE! DAMNIT! No! I can't let that happen. I grab the erudite bowl and gulp all the water as quickly as I can. People gasp all around me. Probably just wondering how I'm surviving! Wow my powerful brain is useful in these situations! SHIT! ERUDITE WATER NOT WORKING! Wait! Pathetic has water and flour! I quickly grab the Pathetic bowl and chug, washing down the last of the coal. I happily march toward the Badass. How is my tongue not burnt? Ohhhh my Detergent Brain Save me Again! Detergent is a funny word. Wait! IT was Divergent! Cool! I see people quickly refilling the bowls and my parents looking.. well... embarrassed.

"You realize you were supposed to eat the steak on the side right?" A boy whispers to me. WHAT? Uh-uh, I am NOT going to leave without steak. I quickly sprint down the stairs, jumping on the last ten and unfortunately landing on my face. I hear some 'ouches' and 'ooohs' from the crowd. But, I quickly get up. As a girl is about to choose I push her out of the way, but she quickly pushes back, knocking me out of the way.

"OUTTA MY WAY HOE!" I yell at her before punching her in the gut, sending her tumbling backwards into the guy. Wait, he looks familiar! He's Marcus! A Pathetic Leader! Never mind that! I have a steak that I need to eat! I go up to the plate and start shoving _all the meat_ into my mouth. After every morsel is gone I look up at my parents. My mom looks like she might faint and my dad is a mix of green and red. _Poor regular brains can't handle all this brain power! Better tone it down._ I slowly walk back to the Badass.

Finally, the Badass get up and start to run. What the hell are they doing? Dumbasses! I then see a train coming our way. HA! I knew waiting would be a good idea! Like they always say, Be lazy and win. No... it was slow and steady wins the race. Right? I then notice the train is not stopping and people are jumping on the train. I quickly start running as quick as my legs can carry me! I don't want to fall behind because it might affect me being number one. I'm so close so getting on the train! I notice that a boy is going to get on before I do, and most likely beat me. NOOO! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! THINK Detergent Brain! THINK! A spectacular idea pops into my mind. I grab onto the boy as he is abut to enter the train and climb on him like a ladder to get on. He unfortunately looses his grip on the train's pole so he doesn't make it. He starts to cry as he clutches his knee and rolls up into a ball. Guess he wasn't meant to be Badass. So, I guess it was a good trade! ON THE BRIGHT SIDE I MADE IT! WHOOP! WHOOP! Oops I'm- Wait! I am allowed to yell in my head and out loud. I decide to take advantage of the moment.

"WHOOP! WHOOP!" I scream at the top of my lungs. Everyone looks like they just shit their pants. OOPS!

"What the Hell girl?" A tan-skinned girl asks me. She's pretty. Probably a good friend. I decide not to respond. Cool people like me don't respond to nonentities like her.

"WHAT? You realize you said that out loud right?" She asks me. When did she get inside of my head?

"What? No! I'm not inside your damn head! Your saying all of this shit out loud!"

"I am?" I ask.

"Yes!" She exclaims. I roll my eyes, focusing on the outside. I see people jumping onto a building. COOL! My detergent brain could do this much better! I grab my new friends hand and jump when I believe the time is right. Thank the Lord it is because we would have fallen off the building and to our doom! We crash onto the gravel, face first.

"Oh my F*cking God!" The girls exclaims. She seems to almost be hyperventilating. Baby! I see others jumping and realize that they are all potential candidates for top spot. I know what I must do. I take a handful of gravel and throw it at them while they are jumping. I hit two out of the five I threw the gravel at. THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION! I decide to do a little dance.

"WHOOP! WHOOP!" I yell again. People are looking at me funny. I grab my new friend's hand.

"What's your name?" I ask firmly.

"C-Christina" She says, still catching her breath.

"Hello, I'm Eric" I hear a voice from behind me. I turn around to see a man with tattoos and piercings all over his face. COOL! Maybe we could get matching ones and become TWINSIES!

"Follow me! If you want to survive!" He yells. I follow him until we reach a big hole in the ground.

"What is that?" I hear some ask.

"The unknown. You have to jump to find out" Eric replies, "Who's first?" As soon as I hear the words, 'first,' I know he is talking about me. I walk up to to him and look at the hole.

"You are first?" He asks looking me up and down.

"Yup!" I say taking off the little jacket I was wearing. It's getting hot.

"OOH PITIFUL SHOWING SOME SKIN!" A boy yells. 'Pitiful' was a nickname for the pathetic. I decide to throw my jacket at him.

"Jump!" Eric says.

"I don't know, I just got these new shoes," I say leaning over to get a better look at how far down it was. I didn't want to destroy my new shoes because in Pathetic we only get two pairs of shoes our whole life. "They are fresh outta the box!" I say, but then I feel someone push me down into the pit. I'M FALLING!

"I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!" I scream-sing. I feel all the steak I ate this morning coming up. Oh damnit! Not now! Crash onto a net, and immediately look at me shoes. Thank god their ok!

"Name" A sexy demigod-like boy says. I didn't know signing up for Badass meant going to Heaven! SCORE!

"Umm" I say, trying to keep my barf down.

"Choose carefully you only get to choose once!" He says.

"Bresf-Tris" I say, butI didn't really nail the 'Bea' part because I'm going to explode any second now.

"FIRST JUMPER TRIS!" The hot guy (hopefully my love interest) yells.

"Welcome to Ba-" I can't hold it anymore, I barf all over him. The coal and steak and flour and water all come out into a sticky, smelly, mess.

"What the f*ck just happened?"

 **A/N: How was it? Good? Not as funny and you hoped? Ok? Please give me ideas! Hmmm lets see... What about this, 9+ reviews for an update? Fair? Not fair? Let me know with a review!**

 **~TOODLES :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent! If I did I wouldn't have killed off Tris...Or Marlene...Or Uriah...Or Lynn... Or Tris's Parents...Or Will...Or Tori...Or Fernando... Or Al- WAIT! Probably would have killed him off!  
**

Tris POV:

I look at my vomit on his shirt. I sigh, my steak was never digested.

"HELLO?" Says a guy with a nose ring.

"What?!" I say, "I'm a very busy woman so you need to be quick!"

"What?" He asks dumbfounded. "You just freaking got here!"

This man is the very reason why I don't like talking to people without my superior divergent brain! I mean I know they aren't as good as me, but they don't have to act so dumb! I see the hot guy has changed his shirt and now glaring at me. I noticed that everyone has jumped and we are F-I-N-A-L-L-Y ready to move on. What slowpokes!

"Hello my name is Four" HA! What a loser! A number for a name! His parents were imbeciles! I grab Christina's arm.

"Ask him why his name is a number!" I whisper. She seemed fine doing it.

"Four? Like the number?" She asks.

"Yeah! Do you have a problem with that?" He growls.

"Uh no" She respond. We walk a little, but my legs are getting tired. Christina to the rescue! So nice having a pet-I mean friend.

 **A/N: SORRY! GIVE ME IDEAS AND IF I USE THEM GET A SHOUTOUT!  
**

 **~TOODLES!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent by V. Roth!**

Tris(POV):

I think about jumping on Christina's back, but then realize it will make me look weak! So yeah... that won't work. I look down at my poor, tired legs. Guess I will just have to deal with it.

"This is the pit! You will be spending lots of time here" Says Four. I slightly roll my eyes, I'm too cool for this shit. Time to use my magic powers to ask Christina to ask about the pit. I put two fingers on my forehead and push while glaring at Christina. She looks at my funny, probably completely blowing her mind right now.

"The Pit? What a clever name" She snickers, looking at Four. Four's eyes turn deadly and stare at Christina. He better not be her love interest.

"If I wanted to hear TTL's stupid comments all day I would have joined their faction. Shut the Hell up," says Four. Ohhh Damn. Wait a freaking minute! My magic powers work!

"This is the chasm!" Four yells over the water, "One jump from a daredevil can kill you! It has happened once and it will happen again!" I'm barely paying attention because my powers work! YES! I WILL DOMINATE THE WORLD MY SUPERIORITY! THIA CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION!

"WHOOP! WHOOP!" I yell. Someone who was leaning on the chasm falls into it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO! HALLLLP MEEEEE!" He screams on his way down. OH YEAH! Just eliminated another person who might have tried to take my top spot! I look and see everyone is looking at me in horror. Probably scared of my awesomeness. Four just stares at me in disbelief and then sighs and starts to walk. We all follow him.

 **A/N: I'm sorry for this chapter being absolute shit!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent!**

Tris(POV):

As Four brings us back toward the pit we hear yelling.

"OK! I want a role call to see who made it!" Yells Eric.

"Don't you already know?" Whispers Four. I can hear only because my amazing snoopi- I mean my power ears

"Yes, but I love crossing off the names of the dead with my red blood marker," says Eric with a creepy smile.

"Tris!" He calls first. Oh yeah! See! I am the best, they called out my name first.

"HERE!" I holler as loud as I can. Eric looks at me and rolls his eyes.

"Albert!" He calls out. Why is nobody answering him?

"Albert! You better answer me or your sorry ass will be in the chasm within minutes!" Eric yells in a freighting tone.

"Someone yelled and he was leaning against the rail and fell off," says Four. Eric's snarl slowly turns into the weirdest smile I've ever seen. He tries his marker but he realizes it's out of ink.

"Looks like I need more ink," He says creepily, "stand in a line initiates!" He orders. I quickly runs to be first in line, pulling Christina with me and then pushing her behind me.

"One of these damn days you are going to kill me" Murmurs Christina.

"Give me your hand, Tris" Eric says. I reach out and let him have my hand. He take a small syringe out of his pocket.

"Hold still!" He says.

"WAIT!" I yell stepping back. Was he going to take my blood and mix it with these losers' blood? Oh Hell No! Not on my clock!

"What," Eric snaps impatiently.

"Do it to her first," I say pushing Christina in front of me.

"Girl! What the Hell! You pushed me behind you!" She argues. It's sad to see my sacrificial la- I mean Christina die, but if it was me or her, it would always be me. He sticks the syringe into her arm and extracts a good amount of blood. He then adds it to his maker and crosses of Al's name. He quickly calls everyone else and tells us to then go with Four.

"This is the cafeteria, you will eat here. The food is free! Now go, eat initiates" He orders. All I heard was free food. I quickly grab a tray and run to the cake. Wait! What is that I smell? I inhale deeply. STEAK! I make a mad dash toward the steak, knocking everyone out of the way and stacking as much as I can on my plate. I notice all the other people standing in line and my compassionate deter- _divergent_ brain tells me I have enough. I walk out of line and decide to get some cake and a hamburger. I get a whole cake and five hamburgers. I don't exactly know how hamburgers taste but they have meat soooo yeah. I place my tray down, rattling the table. I sit next to Four because he's most likely my love interest. I slowly place my first bite of steak in my mouth. Halle-freaking-lujah this taste delicious! I savior for about five seconds. You know what? Screw it! I shove as much steak as I can in my mouth.

"How are you eating that plain? Here put some of this on it" says Four who hands me a bottle that says barbecue sauce. What the hell is this? I open the bottle and squirt some on my steak. I swallow the bit I took and take a new bite but with the BBQ sauce. Oohhh, I can see a light! Yes lord! This is deliciousssss! I feel tears running down my cheeks. I swallow.

"Thanks so much! This is delicious!" I say. Well, if he is my love interest (he will be, just trying to give any other characters chance) he has great taste. I hold the Barbecue sauc upside down and won the rest on my steak in it, using up the whole bottle. Four's eyes widen.

"Umm you might not want to add that much" he says. Without listening to anything he said I shove as much steak as I can in my mouth. In about five minuted all the steak is gone.

"Girl? You ok?" Christina aks. I didn't even realize she was next to me.

"I don't know, I'm still kind of hungry" I say eyeing the dauntless cake. My selfless divergent brain cuts the cake so Christina, who took the shot for me, and Four, who introduced me to heaven, both get a slice. Christina flashes me a grateful smile.

"Thanks for the cake!" Four says gobbling it up in a couple bites. I watch him get up and throw some of the contents on his tray away. Then I see him talking to a boy about his age and a girl. WHO THE HELL IS THAT HOE AND WHY IS SHE WITH MY MAN? laughs, kisses the guy on the lips and leaves. PHEW Ms. Hoe is not competition. If she was, I would easily beat her.

"Hello Sexy!" Says a man who took Four's spot.

"Hi," I say nonchalantly. YES! One boy after me so far! I just need to make Four jealous. But, he's not as hot as Four although he is still pretty hot.

"My name's Joe!" He says, but he gets up and starts to do what looks like a dance. What the hell is he doing? He then throws off his shirt and continues dancing. I see his pierces nipples and belly button. He is definitely not hot underneath the shirt. He has man boobs that are bigger than my real boobs and they are swinging freely in the air. his belly is moving with him as well.

"You wanna get a piece of this hot ass?" He asks me expectantly. He stops dancing and gently cups my face in his hands.

"GET THE HELL OFF OF ME!" I yell in his ear. All of a sudden he freezes up. He's probably scared of my divergent brain. I can just barely see Four glaring at him. Four's eyes are deadly and almost make me wanna shit my pants. Thta's when I hear a big fart.

"Oh my lord, I just shit my pants!" Joe yells before running off with a big shit stain in the middle of his butt. Four walks away before I can even process whats happening.

 **A/N: Helllooo! Here is an long chapter for being bad about updating! Thanks Wrenlover3 and** **tlcoopi7 for giving me ideas! Tell me if my story is good, bad, or just plain shitty. Don't PM me flames and not give me a reason why you hate my story! Please Review! Anyways...**

 **~TOODLES!  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Does it look like I own Divergent? No! I DON'T OWN IT!**

Tris POV:

I look down at my stomach. It's completely full, and I'm ready for a nap! All this has made my poor, _poor_ deter- _divergent_ brain tired. it's hard being better than all others. I look around, trying to locate a bed, or Four. Then I see him, the same boy who made me even better during the choosing ceremony! I have to thank him! I grab Christina and start running toward him.

"Girl!" Christina says, irritated that I pulled her up out of nowhere. I keep on running, but then realize it would look much cooler if I ran in slow motion! I come to a sudden halt, with Christina also slamming

into a stop.

"Ok! I like you giving me cake, but this is crazy bitch! It's like you giving me a slice of cake for my life! Your going to kill me!" She yells in my ear. GOD she is so annoying! She's lucky I even acknowledge her! Never mind this shit! I slowly start running in slow motion toward my knight in shining armor. After like ten minutes I finally reach him. Damn that took a long time! I look around and see some people looking at me as if I'm crazy. Then it hits me, my extreme detergent brain is so incredibly amazing that they are getting confused. I put my hand on the boy's shoulder.

"What do you want Pitiful?" He asks annoyed. DAMN he's RUDE AF! He's so damn lucky he saved me time because right now I'm pissed AF. Oh also I learned something about Badass, if you say AF after a lot of things you fit in and they can't tell if you came from another faction.

"What's your name?" I ask him forcefully.

"For someone so short and barely a woman you have a huge attitude" He says, bored. OH MY F*UCKING DAMN GOD! HE HAS JUST ANGERED Be- TRIS!

"LISTEN YOU ASSHOLE, YOU **WILL** TELL ME YOUR NAME! DON'T MAKE ME FORCE IT OUT OF YOU!" I yell at the top of my lungs.

"Peter! Gosh," He says. I'm about to beat the shit of him, but Four decides he has something to say. I realize my grip has tightened on Christina's arm, who is currently struggling to remove it. I let her arm go, leaving a red hand mark.

"For such a tiny little twit you seem to have a big mouth on you" He snarls. OH DAMN HE"S GONNA GET IT!

"INITIATES! LISTEN UP! I'm going to take you to your dorm! Follow me!" He shouts saving Peter. Finally! A bed which my poor tired divergent mind can rest in. Four leads us to a room that has dirty and uncomfortable looking beds. I can't sleep in those!

"So everyone pick a bed and who ever claims it first gets it! Meet me in the training room at 8:00am sharp tomorrow!" He says walking away. Now, I can get back to Peter! Then I realize every is picking out beds, and they are getting _first_ choice! HELL NO! Not on my clock! My detergent brain quickly formulates a plan to lie on everybody's bed for like ten seconds and they claim the best one. Once again, I thank my wonderful brain for helping me out. I quickly jump and test out everyone's bed.

"Hey!" Says one girl.

"This is mine!" Says another boy. Then I find the perfect one. Ahhh my stomach is full and I can finally fall asleep.

"Pitiful! You. Me. Here. Right now." Peter says bringing up his fists. Oh, right Peter. I sigh, he clearly doesn't understand I am a _very_ busy woman and he needs to book an appointment.

"Peter, I need to reschedule your ass kicki- I mean the fight. I'm a very busy woman I know you'll understand" I say. Peter just gives me a 'WTF' look. Well, he didn't say no so I guess he really is the person who helped me get down those stairs quicker!

"Thanks for understanding! I really appreciate it," I say giving my best smile. He doesn't go away and the look doesn't go away. WHAT IS HE THINKING? Then I remember I have dete- _divergent_ brain power! I put two fingers on my forehead and glare at him. Nothing. Why? It worked with Christina! This is getting me pissed so he better speak up.

Christina(POV):

I look at Tris, the crazy girl. She looks like she is about to loose her shit and if I were Peter I would start talking right about now. I rub my sore wrist which still has her hand print. Tris's eyes turn a dark grey shade of hatred.

"TALK TO ME" She demands shaking him.

"DO YOU REMEMBER ME? YOU HELPED ME AT THE CHOOSING CEREMONY!" She screams. What? Wait, didn't her trip her?

Tris(POV):

Why is Peter frozen! Suddenly he twitches and I see a big wet spot stating to gather at the start of his pants. He peed himself. Wait? Is this my power? Having the ability to make people piss on command? OH YEAH! I look at Peter, my knight is shining piss, he has helped me find my power! THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION!

"WHOOP! WHOOP!" I scream out of nowhere. I think a girl named Meena, no THINK THINK DIVERGENT BRAIN, oohhh _Myra_ just had a mini heart attack. Then I glare at everyone in he rooming, watching as they all piss there pants. YES LORD! YES! Then Tori comes in with a loud beeping device. She grabs my arm and pulls me out of the room literally dragging me because my poor legs have gotten tired. She finally carries me bridal style into an office room. At least that's what it looks like. Tori looks angry so I decide to start the conversation.

"To-to! My dude! I just found out my special power!" I say smiling. She's going to be sooo proud of me. She takes a deep breath and looks pretty calm.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU CAN'T JUST GO AROUND USING YOUR POWERS!" She roars, "Someone might find you!"

"Why?" I demand. Why can't I use MY power? It's MINE.

"Because people will find you and try to take that power away! And kill you" She hisses. I nod, I would not want people to envy and take away my special one-of-a-kind power. I notice the device n her hand has stopped beeping.

"What's that?" I ask pointing to the device.

"That tracks whenever someone like you uses their power. People like you have different powers. Wait, what is your power?" Tori asks. I smile, I'm going to impress Tori! I think about telling her, but then I realize showing her would be much better. I glare at her and then I see her freeze up and hear her device beeping.

"GOD DAMMIT TRIS THIS WAS A NEW CHAIR! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY F*CKING OFFICE AND GO TO YOUR DORM!" Tori screams. My divergent brain tells me to scram so that is exactly what I do. On the way out I hear something. My eavesdropping powers kick in as I push my ear towards Tori's door.

"Worse. Talent. Ever" She mutters. I decide not to go in and defend myself, so I make my way back to the dorm.

 **A/N: Soooo How was it? I haven't updated in a while sooo here it is! Oh I have an IDEA! Name which song this quote comes from:** **I'm peeling the skin off my face. Winner(s) get a shoutout! Please leave a review I like reading feedback!  
**

 **~TOODLES!**

 **P.S.: Anyone participating in the Pens to Lens Competition?**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: OKK! So this is NOT a chapter, but a challenge! If 5 people PM me Four's power (cause he's divergent) and get it correct, they get a shout out and I will make a 1000+ word update! If more than 5 people get it correct, they also get a Shout out! TRY TO FIGURE IT OUT!**

 **Anyways...**

 **~TOODLES :D!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent!**

Tris(POV):

I wake up to someone yelling and banging pots and pans.

"UP INITIATES! YOUR ALL LATE! MEET ME IN THE PIT IN 10 MINUTES OR YOU'RE FACTIONLESS!" Yells Four. Why is he so angry? I know we're a little bit late, but so what? It's our first day! Tiredly, I get up, change, and my poor Divergent legs move the long distance to the bathroom, which causes my bladder to want to explode. I see a stall and try to open the door, but it doesn't budge. Luckily, my detergent brain uses it quick-thinking powers and generates the idea to ram into the door headfirst like in that one movie I wasn't supposed to be watching. I take a few steps back and and then start to sprint headfirst towards the stall. Unfortunately, Christina decides to open the door from the inside and I go crashing headfirst onto her. She goes flying into the toilet with me on top of her.

"GIRL! WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU!" She screeches Jumping out of the toilet, causing me to roll of her. Not wanting to be on the floor, I slowly get up. Wrong with me? I was trying to get into the stall when she opened the door.

"I did nothing wrong, you got in the way" I point out. My argument is a strong one, almost as strong as my need to pee right now, so she seems to not know what to say. She just stands there, her eye twitching and face turning the color of a tomato, I swear I see smoke coming out of her ears. WAIT! That was just the shower.

"HOW THE HELL DO YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOU DID?! WHO RAISED YOU?! YOU PUSHED ME IN THE TOILET AND RAMMED INTO ME HEADFIRST! HOW THE HELL DID I GET IN THE WAY? YOU JUST ARE SO F***ING ANNOYING!" She roars. I can't hold it anymore! My pee needs to flow! I use my problem solving skills to push her out of the stall, close the door, pulls down my pants, and pee all over the place. Ahhhhh feels soooo good. I did make sure to get no pee on myself so I'm in the clear. I then quickly wash my hands and sprint to the pit. I HAVE TO BE FIRST! Finally, I see Four and stop to catch my breath. I notice a crowd of people already there. DAMMIT! HOW COULD I NOT BE FIRST! WHYYYY GOD? I HAVE BEEN A LOVELY, KIND, GENEROUS, SELFLESS, BRAVE, AND AMAZING IN GENERAL!

"What's your name?" Asks my love interest (a.k.a. Four). I'm really angry right now, but I guess I have to look cool at all times, and I do, so I reply.

"Tris"

"Well Tris, you had _six_ seconds left before you were factionless" He says coldly. He starts to walk toward the training room, and we all follow him. I see that knives are set up and i also see targets. I'm going to excel at this! I knew throwing those rocks at those people jumping off the train was a good idea for target practice!

"Initiates! Today, we will be throwing knives. For now, this is just practice, but eventually you will be judged on all of this. Watch carefully as I demonstrate, and pay attention, I'm only doing this once!" He says.

He inhales, hold the knife in a certain position, and exhales as he throws. That's a weird way to breathe. I watch as his knife hits the target perfectly.

"Questions?" He asks.

"Yes!" I say, wondering about the breathing. "Do we really need to breathe like that? Inhale and Exhale?" I say seriously, Four is a serious guy so I have to be familiar with him.

"No" He replies flatly. "Get to it!" He then shouts.

I quickly rush over to some cool knives that get to be held by me. Peter, my savior ( **A/N: THIS IS NOT AND I MEAN N-O-T A PETRIS STORY! EW!),** comes up to me.

"Can I see those knives?" He asks, and he looks a little evil, but he's probably not evil sooo I give my knives to him. He pulls something out of his sleeve and seems to draw on the knives. Huh, I wonder what he's doing. He then puts them on the table next to me and runs back to his place.

"Start to throw and practice I will come around to help you!" Fours says. I grab one of my knives and hold in in the position Four did. I'm 100% going to hit the target first try and it's gonna be in the center! I try to throw the knife towards the target, but it's stuck to my hand! What's wrong with my knife?! Peter looks at me and laughs, but then seems to think.

"Now that is what I call a sticky situation!" Peter says laughing. "NO! Wait I can do better, just a second." He thinks again, "In your sticky face! NO! NO! I must think harder!" HE thinks again, trying to come up with something, "The stickiness of you- No! Argh! I got nothing!" Peter says finally giving up. I sigh and look back at the knife stuck to my hand. Then I have a great idea, if I swing my hand hard enough towards the target, the knife will fly out and hit the target. I focus and then start swinging my hand back and forth towards the target like a crazy person. I use all my strength to try and get the knife off. Out of the corner of my eye I see Four cautiosly making his way towards me. Everyone is watching me and slowly stepping back. I notice nobody has hit the target yet so I can be the first! YASSSSSS!

"Tris?" Four says calmly, but at that moment my knife goes flying out of my hand and towards the target.

 _KLANG!_

It hits the board, right in the center. YASSSSS! I KNEW I COULD DO IT! THIS CALLS FOR A CELEBRATION! TIME TO PARTAAYYYY! Four and all the initiates look at me, eyes big and mouths open. What a bunch of fools! There eyes are going to get dry and they are gonna catch flies!

"WHOOP! WHOOP!" I scream. Four flinches and the initiates jump back

"H-How?" Says Four, amazed. I would say, 'Because I'm awesome,' but that wouldn't be modest, and I'm very, very, _very, very, very,_ modest.

"I just used your wonderful teaching method," I say, I better kiss up to him, he the one who determines our scores.

"Get back to your place and practice throwing!" Four shouts as he walks back to his spot. HOW RUDE! NOT EVEN A THANK YOU! I take a deep breath. I realize that not everyone is as talented and kind as I am so I can't expect it from everyone. I throw the second knife, which was just as sticky and it lands in the middle, again! I throw all of my knives and they ALL land in the middle! WOW! I'M AMAZING! Then, I see Erin walk in. I decide to greet him 'cause he's a leader.

"Hey Erin!" I holler. His head snaps up and glares at me.

"It's _Eric_ initiate," He snarls, before glancing at my target. Who pissed him off? I notice Al, the pet, hasn't hit his knife at all on the target. I see _Eric_ approach him. Al throws another knife that doesn't hit the target.

"What. Was. That. Initiate?" Asks Eric angrily. OOOH I WOULD NOT WANNA BE AGAINST ERIC MA MAIN MAN RIGHT NOW!

"I-It slipped," Stammers Al, clearly scared. Well, let's see how this plays out.

 **A/N: Ok, so I have perfectly valid reasons for not updating! One reason was because I got stuck in an elevator that was like really tiny with my mom! If you didn't know, I'm extremely claustrophobic and I always take the stairs, but my mom insisted we take the elevator -.- and it was stuck for like 5 hours! Oh, and I read 13 Reasons Why and spent like a billion hours thinking about it. GUESS WHAT! The girl, Hannah _Baker_ made 13 reasons why and a baker's dozen is 13! COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!  
**


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